To strengthen my interviews, I decided to ask myself the questions I created for my student participants, both to understand my own learning experiences and to appropriately phrase questions to ensure I was addressing the necessary ideas. One question in particular, was difficult for me to answer. I ask students to consider their relationship to their own languages and cultures. I have continued to ask myself what English means to me as a first language. At first, I was reflecting on different forms or hybrid forms of English that I have been exposed to and therefore influenced by, such as, American or Asian mixes of English use. I have become accustomed to hearing English spoken by people for whom English is not a first language. I was also used to communicating with multilingual people who use their languages at different times for a range of purposes.
After more deep thought about my relationship to English as my first language, I considered my experiences at school. I never found reading or writing particularly easy. At school, I struggled to gain confidence in my writing. As I entered university, I was beginning to see my writing improve from one assignment to the next. This was quite eye opening to me because I would not have believed myself to be a particularly academic person or capable/interested in pursuing research or a career in academia however, I realised that it was a joy to me. I could improve on my writing and reading over time. Although these elements remain a challenge for me, I have seen dramatic improvements and certainly understand these as part of my relationship to English as a first language.
Another aspect that I considered was the way in which verbalising ideas aloud allows me to process them easier. When I am reading or writing, I can find it difficult to make sense of the information. A lot of my understandings are reached through discussion and conversation with other people. Finding ways to make my own understandings clear to others in turn makes them clearer to myself.
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